When I was 25 years old, I married Todd. It was a beautiful July wedding that took place down at the Grain Exchange in Milwaukee, a great historical building which was a nice reflection of some of our farming families. The building was ornate with enormous two-story ceilings with wood, marble, and glass throughout. I walked down the staircase to meet my parents who lead me toward my husband. I recall the room was so large our voices did not carry far so, though surrounded by loved ones, I wonder if any others heard our words. We had a guitarist named Karen Howell who strummed intimate music. My Uncle Paul and friend Michelle recited some poetry. And the entire time I rubbed Todd's thumb so vigorously with anxiety that his skin would remain red for hours after. Our kiss was full of a passion I even feel yet today. Immediately following came the reception. And it was then that I knew I had married a man with a charming wit, an unconditional love for me, and a dear connection to the outdoors. The first song we played that night..."Fred Bear" by Ted Nugent.
Months prior to the wedding, our plans started on the Honeymoon. We had no plans on waiting for years later. We wanted to go off right away! While I named off exotic islands and romantic adventures, Todd responded with Alaska. I hesitated at first, but realizing I loved the outdoors just as much (and once I heard it can actually hit 100 degrees in July...and it did!) I was in. We planned a 2 week excursion; 1 week land, 1 week cruise. The first group of fellow tourists we met were teachers. We loved our tour guide who gladly told us half the stuff he tells people was made up! Great college kid with a scruffy beard and a super scary bear story! And once on the boat, we paired up with a few other honeymooners as the rest of the cruise was for, what seemed, those entering the last stage of life! On one of our final stops, we were determined to get a permanent memory of the trip. We ended up in Juneau searching for Tattoo places. By days end, and a very interesting tour of a Naval Harbor Tattoo business ("we're almost done sterilizing") place, we decided to postpone the pain.
On our 1 year anniversary, we had an appointment at the Alter Ego shop in Kewaskum. I recalled back to the day on our honeymoon we had gone kayaking. It was crazy! As we paddled, we would bang into salmon left and right. The creek was filled to the brim with them. Eagles were stacked overhead and on shore to get their share of the goods. While cruising through the water, there stand a lone rock. As I got closer...really close!...I realized that a harbor seal had been bathing itself and perched her head up to sneak a peek at me. It was at that moment that time stood still. Completely connected with this animal. I reached into my pocket to snap a shot with my camera. No more film! The feeling in my body went from an absolute state of calm to frustration but quickly back to calm. That honeymoon was amazing, whether we have a picture or not, we will always have that time together and with God's earth and all of the creatures He has provided. I wanted my tattoo to reflect that so on went the picture of that harbor seal...Todd, I suppose, in a sense, was reflecting on that as well. OK, maybe not but the outline of Wisconsin with a deer and pheasant at least connected us with home again.
So now 15 years later, I am about to turn 40. 24% (according to most online research I have done) of people have tattoos. I am one of those that have never regretted it. It tells a very important story about my connectedness. I would like to continue that story so have been toying with the idea of "adding on" . I plan on heading back to Alter Ego. I have carefully and creatively decided on a few things to be carved into my back (about as pleasant and painful as it sounds):
1. My three boys- Todd, Jordan, and Andrew. I trust that in some way shape or form, they will be with me forever. I have known Todd since I was 12. He is not just a part of me...and I know Tom Cruise may have made this cliche...but he does complete me. Jordan was conceived soon after I had returned from a mission trip to Mexico. I totally believe he was put there by God (with a lot of help from Todd) but we had no plans on having kids. Once Jordan was born, I discovered my life, our lives, were filled with possibilities and it hasn't stopped since. And then Andrew...to see myself, my features, my mannerisms...and yet, a different person. Andrew is full of much of my energy yet I am so excited to see his individuality and shape form as he experiences life through his eyes. I am going to add 3 flowers- one for each of them with the colors of their birthstones. I am going to have to get creative to figure out how she will do diamond and pearl!
2.The Chinese symbol for "believe". Funny. When I looked up the most common types of tattoos people got, I found a website from Texas about the 10 most common tattoos people get removed- names, roses, stars, barbed wire, tribal stuff, dragons, butterflies, and...yep...chinese symbols. Oh well. The reason for this symbol is multi fold. Going to China a few years back to help my sister pick up her second adopted child may have been one of the most humbling things I have ever done. My sister's heart, Eli's bravery, and a worldly connection is something you feel and don't need to put words to. It has left me speechless in awe. I love the word "be"...be as you are, be still and know I am God, be the change you wish to see in the world. And then to have "believe"...something I can forget or be challenged by. To believe in myself, believe in God, believe in others. All I need to do is be and believe. I will love to be reminded of what that experience has done for me. Thank you Shelly and Eli (and Madeline and all of the Waalas!)
3. A red dancing cardinal. I have found so much joy in giving. These past years with the Hunt Fundraiser and last year's "Our Stars of Washington County" where Bill Krumenhauer and I took first place in a dance competition to help raise funding for the YMCA and Casa Guadelupe have been rewarding to say the least. I thought a red cardinal dancing would be the perfect symbol to represent this giving. Red is the strong chakra color representing being grounded. It will be a good reminder to me about redirecting my energies to the root level so that I a not flying off forgetting who i really am and where I need to be. And birds...I have thought of them as reminders of the strong women I have in my life. Whenever I see a deer, I am reminded of God, a bird reminds me of women.
Of course, my addition comes in 3. I have a need for threes...3 candles, 3 pictures, 3 trees. 2 is never complete. Three to me stands for solid, real, substational, entire, and complete. Three has biblical meaning just like 7, 12, and 40. The obvious- the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. On the third day, the earth arose from the water. On the third day, he rose again. I know there is much more. I like that as I hit 40 (I'm in my 40 days to 40 countdown), I am still being reminded and drawn to those things that are keeping me full of life. At 50, I am sure that needle injecting of a different kind (face, boobs, tummy) may become more important or maybe I'll keep building to the story.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
S.H.A.P.E.
I am currently in the midst of the wonderful season of hunting...my husband deer hunts. I shoe and accessory hunt. Let me explain. One of the ways I have dealt with my creative energy is to work with a group of women during the hunting season. We shop (hunt) for a pair of shoes and/or accessories (comparable to his deer kill). The great thing about it is it all wraps up with a big fundraiser night to benefit Chix 4 A Cause.
There are moments during this time that I feel guilty about the ego-ness of worrying about an outfit only to be quickly reminded of the beauty of the inner work this pulls me into. I have come across the following in my readings that are sent to me by email each day from the Purpose Driven Life. These daily scripture readings and reflections often allow me to set an intention for the day. I so often enjoy the intuitive timing many of the daily pieces bring.
Defining our S.H.A.P.E. by Erik Rees, a tool used by the Purpose Driven Life
S Spiritual gifts- a set of special abilities that God has given to you to share His love and serve others
H Heart- the special passions that God has given to you so that you can glorify Him on earth
A Abilities- the set of talents that God gave you when you were born, which he also wants you to use to make an impact for Him
P Personality- the special way God wired you to navigate through life and fulfill your unique Kingdom purpose
E Experiences- those parts of your past, both positive and painful, which God intends to use in great ways
What a great way to clarify your own life...and what I really should say is I feel it is a good way for me to clarify me because I should not assume how you respond. That's really the beauty of each one of us, and I know we all know this, but we all are, perceive, believe in different things in different ways with different things. It's way beyond our shape on the outside. It's why I can say I have the gift to teach with a passion for health and creativity with the ability to listen without judgement and the personality to never give up taken from a lifetime of experiences both good and bad that makes me want to do the best I can with what I have been given and help others do the same. Hmmm. There it is- my SHAPE.
And it is interesting how shape changes as we evolve. I think about the shape that my parents might see me as...my dear and loving high school friends...my husband...my adult friends...my patients- all perceive me with a different shape- or maybe it is that I hold a different shape around them? An interesting thought to ponder.
It reminds me of a few years ago when I walked into a conference at the Stevens Point Wellness Center. As we went around the room to introduce ourselves, one of the ladies just amazed me! She owned this wellness center on the east coast, had several male children, married, beautiful and gosh! She looked tall (even though she was seated in a chair). During our interactions, I got to know her as well as I could through various exercises and gatherings. On the last day off that week long session, the whole group of women seemed to have bonded like a family in such a small time. We had to say our goodbyes. I went to hug this woman who I had perceived as tall only to find out she was shorter than I. Several of the women commented as I did on how we all thought she was this very tall person...how surprised we were to find out her "true shape" had changed!
1 Samuel 16:7 ...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
Amen.
Paula
There are moments during this time that I feel guilty about the ego-ness of worrying about an outfit only to be quickly reminded of the beauty of the inner work this pulls me into. I have come across the following in my readings that are sent to me by email each day from the Purpose Driven Life. These daily scripture readings and reflections often allow me to set an intention for the day. I so often enjoy the intuitive timing many of the daily pieces bring.
Defining our S.H.A.P.E. by Erik Rees, a tool used by the Purpose Driven Life
S Spiritual gifts- a set of special abilities that God has given to you to share His love and serve others
H Heart- the special passions that God has given to you so that you can glorify Him on earth
A Abilities- the set of talents that God gave you when you were born, which he also wants you to use to make an impact for Him
P Personality- the special way God wired you to navigate through life and fulfill your unique Kingdom purpose
E Experiences- those parts of your past, both positive and painful, which God intends to use in great ways
What a great way to clarify your own life...and what I really should say is I feel it is a good way for me to clarify me because I should not assume how you respond. That's really the beauty of each one of us, and I know we all know this, but we all are, perceive, believe in different things in different ways with different things. It's way beyond our shape on the outside. It's why I can say I have the gift to teach with a passion for health and creativity with the ability to listen without judgement and the personality to never give up taken from a lifetime of experiences both good and bad that makes me want to do the best I can with what I have been given and help others do the same. Hmmm. There it is- my SHAPE.
And it is interesting how shape changes as we evolve. I think about the shape that my parents might see me as...my dear and loving high school friends...my husband...my adult friends...my patients- all perceive me with a different shape- or maybe it is that I hold a different shape around them? An interesting thought to ponder.
It reminds me of a few years ago when I walked into a conference at the Stevens Point Wellness Center. As we went around the room to introduce ourselves, one of the ladies just amazed me! She owned this wellness center on the east coast, had several male children, married, beautiful and gosh! She looked tall (even though she was seated in a chair). During our interactions, I got to know her as well as I could through various exercises and gatherings. On the last day off that week long session, the whole group of women seemed to have bonded like a family in such a small time. We had to say our goodbyes. I went to hug this woman who I had perceived as tall only to find out she was shorter than I. Several of the women commented as I did on how we all thought she was this very tall person...how surprised we were to find out her "true shape" had changed!
1 Samuel 16:7 ...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
Amen.
Paula
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Inhale, exhale
A few years ago, a friend gifted me with Goddess Guidance oracle cards created by Doreen Virtue, PhD. Since then, it has been a fun way to help with setting intentions for the day, getting ideas about the "why" of things happening around me, and just plain ol' bringing out the hidden goddess inside. Today I chose Maeve, the Goddess of Cycles and Rhythms. How perfect! My last blog entry indicated I was midcycle and here she is!
One thing that can get me frustrated is the complex fact that our female brain changes up to 25% each 28 days (on average). I love when the estrogen and progesterone surges at the beginning normally lasting for a good 2 weeks. My mind feels clear, peaceful, serene...My connections with others is equally joyous. I love my husband again ! Yeah, my hippocampus, hypothalmus, and amygdala are squeaky clean ready to think critically and have accurate and appropriate emotional responses! Yeah me!
What Goddess Maeve tells me today is to "honor the cycles of your body, energy levels, and emotions". She goes on to say that the universe is naturally cyclical. Just like breathing, we inhale then exhale (I wonder which part of the cycle is inhale???). Celebrate and embrace these as the essence of life.
In a few months I turn 40. The average lifespan of women nowadays in the States is about 8oish. So midlife, giver or take a few decades (I plan to be a centenarian). 40 is a big biblical number of course too. As I reflected on that, I have decided to plan out carefully the last 40 days of my life as a 39 y.o. As I count back, the day to start falls on December 3rd which happens to be the night of our creatively give Shoe and Accessory Hunt night (www.dnrshoes.blogspot.com). I am going to spend sometime addressing the need I wish to address. Most off, I want this to be fun and prepare me for the next 40 years of giving creatively. I know I will seek the Goddess of Maeve a lot through my 40s! Honoring my cycle rather than bitching about it would be a huge accomplishment. I am pretty sure those around me would appreciate that as well. Ok, let me be a little kinder to myself-I am not that bad but could be better.
To help me prepare for my 40 days to 40, I have been researching a bit about what it takes to motivate. David B. Rosengren's book on Motivational interviewing has been helpful for me with my patients. I clearly recognize that change in behavior has very little to do with what I say as a healthcare provider as motivation tends to come from within. That being said, I know there are a few questions that can help guide the process: 1. What need would you like to work on? 2. Why? 3. What makes you care about this/your inspiration? 4. When would you like to start? 5. How often will you reassess? 6. Who will support you? 7. Where are you right now (baseline)? 8. How will you be held accountable? Now when coaching someone on making a change ,these are not necessarily the questions you want to be asking them but they are good reflective questions for themselves.
These last few days, thanks to my cycle, I have been coming up with some clear messages of how I wish to proceed with my creative giving legacy. I have some ideas about how this next decade of life could include that. I look forward to continue sharing this with others!
Thanks Maeve!
One thing that can get me frustrated is the complex fact that our female brain changes up to 25% each 28 days (on average). I love when the estrogen and progesterone surges at the beginning normally lasting for a good 2 weeks. My mind feels clear, peaceful, serene...My connections with others is equally joyous. I love my husband again ! Yeah, my hippocampus, hypothalmus, and amygdala are squeaky clean ready to think critically and have accurate and appropriate emotional responses! Yeah me!
What Goddess Maeve tells me today is to "honor the cycles of your body, energy levels, and emotions". She goes on to say that the universe is naturally cyclical. Just like breathing, we inhale then exhale (I wonder which part of the cycle is inhale???). Celebrate and embrace these as the essence of life.
In a few months I turn 40. The average lifespan of women nowadays in the States is about 8oish. So midlife, giver or take a few decades (I plan to be a centenarian). 40 is a big biblical number of course too. As I reflected on that, I have decided to plan out carefully the last 40 days of my life as a 39 y.o. As I count back, the day to start falls on December 3rd which happens to be the night of our creatively give Shoe and Accessory Hunt night (www.dnrshoes.blogspot.com). I am going to spend sometime addressing the need I wish to address. Most off, I want this to be fun and prepare me for the next 40 years of giving creatively. I know I will seek the Goddess of Maeve a lot through my 40s! Honoring my cycle rather than bitching about it would be a huge accomplishment. I am pretty sure those around me would appreciate that as well. Ok, let me be a little kinder to myself-I am not that bad but could be better.
To help me prepare for my 40 days to 40, I have been researching a bit about what it takes to motivate. David B. Rosengren's book on Motivational interviewing has been helpful for me with my patients. I clearly recognize that change in behavior has very little to do with what I say as a healthcare provider as motivation tends to come from within. That being said, I know there are a few questions that can help guide the process: 1. What need would you like to work on? 2. Why? 3. What makes you care about this/your inspiration? 4. When would you like to start? 5. How often will you reassess? 6. Who will support you? 7. Where are you right now (baseline)? 8. How will you be held accountable? Now when coaching someone on making a change ,these are not necessarily the questions you want to be asking them but they are good reflective questions for themselves.
These last few days, thanks to my cycle, I have been coming up with some clear messages of how I wish to proceed with my creative giving legacy. I have some ideas about how this next decade of life could include that. I look forward to continue sharing this with others!
Thanks Maeve!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Vacation?
I've had the last several days off from work. I mean, work being the job that I get paid for. Lately for me, I have chosen to be overly busy when I take vacation. These few days have included finish paint work, massive cleaning of the house, paying bills, doctors appointments, and still managing to go to work to finish up some things like networking that are easier to do when I am not officially working. It is with this process of reflection that I suddenly realized why I feel the way I do.
Though Jon Kabut Zinn has taught me the true benefit of being mindful, I still (often) get caught in being too busy to do just that. That is when I revisit my recent moments in life to reconnect with the present. And, as is typical the case, I then set a new intention, often refocusing my purposeful life in a direction of evolvement. Forgive me, as I am currently "midcycle" in the midst of that flurry of hormonal changes that often takes me down this path of exploration.
And now as I ponder over these same days, I see how amongst the "busyness" I could still give as well as receive...because it sometimes is true that the more I receive, the more I wish to give. Time with my kids listening to Jordan talk about hunting, hearing Andrew laugh anything that sounds remotely like the sound of gas. Quiet time with my husband. A bowling afternoon with friends that benefited Juvenile Diabetes Association, and other moments with friends around a campfire and another playing Blokus and Quandry.
I have one day left of this "vacation". As the sun starts shining through my window I can see a world of creativity painted with color. It is with great intention today that I will be present with God and all of the glory that surrounds Him. I must cut this short as the voices of my family can be heard upstairs calling to me exactly where I would like to be today...with them.
Though Jon Kabut Zinn has taught me the true benefit of being mindful, I still (often) get caught in being too busy to do just that. That is when I revisit my recent moments in life to reconnect with the present. And, as is typical the case, I then set a new intention, often refocusing my purposeful life in a direction of evolvement. Forgive me, as I am currently "midcycle" in the midst of that flurry of hormonal changes that often takes me down this path of exploration.
And now as I ponder over these same days, I see how amongst the "busyness" I could still give as well as receive...because it sometimes is true that the more I receive, the more I wish to give. Time with my kids listening to Jordan talk about hunting, hearing Andrew laugh anything that sounds remotely like the sound of gas. Quiet time with my husband. A bowling afternoon with friends that benefited Juvenile Diabetes Association, and other moments with friends around a campfire and another playing Blokus and Quandry.
I have one day left of this "vacation". As the sun starts shining through my window I can see a world of creativity painted with color. It is with great intention today that I will be present with God and all of the glory that surrounds Him. I must cut this short as the voices of my family can be heard upstairs calling to me exactly where I would like to be today...with them.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Being Well
"And then there was light". I remember that being the first line I spoke in my 6th grade Saint Francis Cabrini speech. I went on to talk for what seemed like hours about the works and life of Thomas Edison. And it was today, near 28 years later that I just thought, "maybe he didn't do that by himself". Turns out (or at least this is what wikipedia has told me) I was right. In 1809 Humphrey Davy had actually created the lightbulb. It was just not functioning ( I guess I would call that a minor flaw). 70 years later Thomas Edison and a team got the lightbulb to work. I suppose Thomas was the brains behind it but a team...
I work in the field of healthcare. I did not intend to, at least when I was one of those teenagers who thought I knew myself well. I was great at math. I think it was because I could follow that type of direction. Do this then you get this. Easy. I was going to get into engineering...but I really didn't know what that meant other than people told me that is what I should do. Then I heard accounting was all about math so I went to college at Oshkosh for that. And I lasted one semester. I am sure a big part of that was just being homesick...actually lonely. My friends were leaving- one was pregnant and the other was leaving because of the pregnant one leaving. Todd was at Marian- totally not far away but far enough for me...and the classes clearly weren't filling a need I had at that time. Yes, I reflect now and think how awesome astronomy could have been had I paid attention. And I barely remember a cool english writing class. Calculus sucked. I use to love it! The mind of an 18 year old.
I work in the field of healthcare. I did not intend to, at least when I was one of those teenagers who thought I knew myself well. I was great at math. I think it was because I could follow that type of direction. Do this then you get this. Easy. I was going to get into engineering...but I really didn't know what that meant other than people told me that is what I should do. Then I heard accounting was all about math so I went to college at Oshkosh for that. And I lasted one semester. I am sure a big part of that was just being homesick...actually lonely. My friends were leaving- one was pregnant and the other was leaving because of the pregnant one leaving. Todd was at Marian- totally not far away but far enough for me...and the classes clearly weren't filling a need I had at that time. Yes, I reflect now and think how awesome astronomy could have been had I paid attention. And I barely remember a cool english writing class. Calculus sucked. I use to love it! The mind of an 18 year old.
I decided in 1 day that maybe I could goto school for nursing. My sister did it (and she is brilliant at it) but she had not been a stellar high school student and, of course, at the time, I thought I was better than she. I had been a nursing assistant on an Alzheimers Unit in highschool, a job I thought I hated at the time but had taught me such important life lessons. I completed my associates degree and started my first real life job the day after I turned 21. I went from being hung over on my first day to excelling at floor nursing to working in the ER knowing there was something missing in primary care to being an independent healthcare provider...an expert practitioner of nursing.
So how has nursing tied in with the legacy of "creativity"? In some ways it has...don't have insurance, how am I still going to give you the best healthcare you deserve? How do I motivate you to make a change? How do I do your pap and still hand you your ringing phone that must be answered for fear of missed call??? Love it! The one thing I love more than anything in my job is that I get to spend time, 1:1, with extremely authentic people...
And that is where I appreciate more than anything that everything is a team effort.
The I in illness is isolation, and the crutial letters in wellness are we- Author unknown
When people are in that room without anything else...no job, no family, no worldly events, I get to see YOU, not busy doing... just present... being.
Another part of that creative piece is working with others on being well. I think the easier part of my job is to treat illness and disease. I have algorithms that tell me what to do and with 12+ years experience in the clinic plus all that dating back to 1988, though I am always learning, I've seen a lot. But truly being well...now being overzealous on wellness, that is no fun either. But what about just being mindful of the 7 components of wellness. Social, spiritual, occupational, intellectual, emotional, and environmental. Anyone of them, if off, causes imbalances which can lead to stress which sets off this big oxidative process...thus illness.
I think I am getting closer to my desire to carry out "creativity" as my legacy or gift. My whole intention may not be to make the entire world a better place. That just sounds a little too overwhelming to me. Legacy, one of creativity, has inspired me to even more deeply appreciate others and why they are in my life. I also remember a time in my life while at Saint Francis Cabrini that I was able to free hand the best Garfield, next to creator Jim Davis, that I had ever known. My creative self is there, always has been, and with continued discovery, will be.
Hmmm...what is your gift?
How are you expressing it?
What step will you take toward it?
Who in your life helps support that?
Be well.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Finding Inner Peace...without it, I can't be creative.
A few years ago I was challenged by a book I read. My interpreted idea that surfaced was that much of my daily chatter was about my selfish ego. Much of what I brought into conversation was based on my desire to self express my own story. From that it was suggested that if I practiced the wisdom of silence more often, I would be at peace.
While I feel silence has it's place, I also found myself more stressed. Rather than embrace the idea that communication is a form of connection, I began to hold words in which resulted in an uncomfortable energy, disengagement, and sometimes even confusion. My body experiences lots of different types of energy throughout the day ( my favorite being goosebumps because it has deep meaning associated with it) but I do not like chest tightness. It is a sure sign of robbing my mind and heart of my ability to utilize one of my more favorite values...creativity.
So a few years ago I learned something called "nonviolent communication". Marshall Rosenberg is the creator of this work which has turned into a movement worldwide. He tells his story of growing up in violent Detroit during the rioting times. He realized, himself included, that people had different ways of reacting to the same situation and wondered why even in such violent times, some could react with peace. Through much study and dedication, he developed a basic model that would teach others compassionate interaction. All at once, it allows the expressiveness of oneself honestly while speaking and the ability to receive others with empathy while listening. To speak honestly while listening empathetically.
As a nurse, I know this. Nurses have been taught this way of communicating forever. And if I may say, it is pretty easy to be empathetic when someone is in front of you is in pain or fighting for his/her life. The challenges are twofold....who else you may be speaking to... Your spouse, your friend, your child, the lady in line who has 20 items in the 10 item lane...and the dialog that takes place. For when it is the nurse to patient, your conversation is always, in some way, about the patient.
Wednesday night I had the pleasure of meeting Peggy Kober. The following is from her brief bio: "an experienced facilitator of processes that help participants connect at the level of the sacred, for increased joy and deeper heartfelt connection"...ahhhh. You can find out more about her at The Gathering Place: Common Ground to Grow on (www.tgpcommonground.org). She led our discussion on an introduction to nonviolent communication (NVC) at the Shalom House (www.aquietplacetobe.com). Beginning September, she will be facilitating a learning circle group that gathers once monthly for 6 sessions (all are welcome but must sign up).
Today I have felt closer to my authentic self as a result of our togetherness. Though I would love to go into every detail of our meeting, I wanted to hit at least the highlights that resonated with me at this moment:
1. Our thoughts are not who we are. I have known this, spoke this, and taught this for as long as I have been introduced to the idea of neuroplasticity. You know, those thoughts that continue to play over and over many decades later though were formed in our earlier childhood days. What I've often done in the past is to push that thought away, identify it, and try to argue with it (if it's a bad thought). She reminded me that while, yes, we should recognize it, learn to respect it as part of our human nature. There are times that thought may keep us on track, motivate us, or even help me get creative!. Embrace it then work with it.
2. It is said to observe without judgement is the highest function of being. This is our spirit, our authentic and honest self. I loved the simple exercise of recalling what I did that morning when I woke from the moment of rising to leaving out the door. I explained the specific steps with simple observation...then my thoughts mixed in once that was complete. Try it yourself. Write it in columns on a piece of paper- one for the observation and the next for the thoughts you had that morning...yes, all of the thoughts for just one morning...if you are anything like the female brain you may need more than 1 page.
3. Perception. Her exercise on perception really helped me recognize it was empathy I felt strongly about, whether it be self-empathy or empathy for others. To work through an observational statement, connect with my feelings, identify my needs, and move forward with assuming the other person's motivation behind that communication was powerful. I felt those goosebumps!
I felt safety in that sacred place. I was empowered, enlightened, and rejuvenated. I loved the metaphor of the giraffe (the land animal with the biggest heart) being my true self and the jackal (low to the ground, full of chatter) being my human self..both areas I wish to appreciate. When the heart and the mind are united, serenity can speak and creativity rejoice.
NVC is a way to communicate.
I feel inspired and nurtured after learning more about it.
It fills my need to be creative.
Would you be willing to learn it too?
If you wish to have more information on NVC, please visit www.cnvc.org
Peace to us,
Paula
While I feel silence has it's place, I also found myself more stressed. Rather than embrace the idea that communication is a form of connection, I began to hold words in which resulted in an uncomfortable energy, disengagement, and sometimes even confusion. My body experiences lots of different types of energy throughout the day ( my favorite being goosebumps because it has deep meaning associated with it) but I do not like chest tightness. It is a sure sign of robbing my mind and heart of my ability to utilize one of my more favorite values...creativity.
So a few years ago I learned something called "nonviolent communication". Marshall Rosenberg is the creator of this work which has turned into a movement worldwide. He tells his story of growing up in violent Detroit during the rioting times. He realized, himself included, that people had different ways of reacting to the same situation and wondered why even in such violent times, some could react with peace. Through much study and dedication, he developed a basic model that would teach others compassionate interaction. All at once, it allows the expressiveness of oneself honestly while speaking and the ability to receive others with empathy while listening. To speak honestly while listening empathetically.
As a nurse, I know this. Nurses have been taught this way of communicating forever. And if I may say, it is pretty easy to be empathetic when someone is in front of you is in pain or fighting for his/her life. The challenges are twofold....who else you may be speaking to... Your spouse, your friend, your child, the lady in line who has 20 items in the 10 item lane...and the dialog that takes place. For when it is the nurse to patient, your conversation is always, in some way, about the patient.
Wednesday night I had the pleasure of meeting Peggy Kober. The following is from her brief bio: "an experienced facilitator of processes that help participants connect at the level of the sacred, for increased joy and deeper heartfelt connection"...ahhhh. You can find out more about her at The Gathering Place: Common Ground to Grow on (www.tgpcommonground.org). She led our discussion on an introduction to nonviolent communication (NVC) at the Shalom House (www.aquietplacetobe.com). Beginning September, she will be facilitating a learning circle group that gathers once monthly for 6 sessions (all are welcome but must sign up).
Today I have felt closer to my authentic self as a result of our togetherness. Though I would love to go into every detail of our meeting, I wanted to hit at least the highlights that resonated with me at this moment:
1. Our thoughts are not who we are. I have known this, spoke this, and taught this for as long as I have been introduced to the idea of neuroplasticity. You know, those thoughts that continue to play over and over many decades later though were formed in our earlier childhood days. What I've often done in the past is to push that thought away, identify it, and try to argue with it (if it's a bad thought). She reminded me that while, yes, we should recognize it, learn to respect it as part of our human nature. There are times that thought may keep us on track, motivate us, or even help me get creative!. Embrace it then work with it.
2. It is said to observe without judgement is the highest function of being. This is our spirit, our authentic and honest self. I loved the simple exercise of recalling what I did that morning when I woke from the moment of rising to leaving out the door. I explained the specific steps with simple observation...then my thoughts mixed in once that was complete. Try it yourself. Write it in columns on a piece of paper- one for the observation and the next for the thoughts you had that morning...yes, all of the thoughts for just one morning...if you are anything like the female brain you may need more than 1 page.
3. Perception. Her exercise on perception really helped me recognize it was empathy I felt strongly about, whether it be self-empathy or empathy for others. To work through an observational statement, connect with my feelings, identify my needs, and move forward with assuming the other person's motivation behind that communication was powerful. I felt those goosebumps!
I felt safety in that sacred place. I was empowered, enlightened, and rejuvenated. I loved the metaphor of the giraffe (the land animal with the biggest heart) being my true self and the jackal (low to the ground, full of chatter) being my human self..both areas I wish to appreciate. When the heart and the mind are united, serenity can speak and creativity rejoice.
NVC is a way to communicate.
I feel inspired and nurtured after learning more about it.
It fills my need to be creative.
Would you be willing to learn it too?
If you wish to have more information on NVC, please visit www.cnvc.org
Peace to us,
Paula
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Purpose and Values
Another way of saying "leaving a legacy" would be "finding your purpose". If we are to have faith in God, we are to believe that He took delicate time in putting together the perfect "me". The person who is brought to life by God has already had a determined purpose to his/her life. We are put to the task to find out just what that purpose is to be. Some of us die before it is known. And if we don't pay close attention, we make walk right by it. I know I have been told that if I see a person more than 3 times in a short period of time, it is because God has put that person in front of me to connect with...in other words, I better say something to them to find out what.
Several years ago, I went through an exercise in values. I was instructed to list 10 of the things I felt were valuable. I found a whole list of values at www.creative-personal-development.com/list-of-values.html. I was then asked to put them in order. Then I had to narrow it down to 3. What I found myself doing is being very general in what I chose so that many of the values would fall under one bigger title. In the end, I ended up with God, Family, and Creativity. It was interesting because after this, I asked my husband and 2 boys to do the same. We each came up with the same things though with very different words...instead of God my boys would say "nature". We all said family. And though none of them used the word creativity, they each described something they liked to do...go hunting, play baseball, be with friends. Even looking back on it now 2 years later, I don't see what has changed with our values. We have them posted on our refrigerator.
God and family are constants. I like to define God as I in you and You in me and He in We. So for me, that is everything given to us by Him....nature, food, people. Family is my home family, extended, work, friend, and even stranger family. The third one for each of us seems to identify what makes us unique. For me, knowing my core values and reflecting on them daily allows me to be focused. I can easily say no to one thing and yes to the next if it fits with those values. It has given me a determination and resolve to move forward with all things creative. I feel such a positive energy when my creative ways are tapped.
I feel this. A day does not seem to be a full day unless I have given to another. Now with carrying out my purpose, leaving my legacy, sticking to my values (which all in a sense means the same thing), I know when I give, I do so creatively. I have felt the most enthusiastic with fundraising or speaking. One of the biggest successes I have ever been a part of was a fantastic fundraiser a few friends of mine had over the last several years that you can check out at www.dnrshoes.blogspot.com.
So what is my purpose of writing this blog and potentially growing "Creatively Give" in creative ways? To be honest, I am not sure myself. I think at this point I am just happy writing about how I have created and discovered my legacy and hope to help you do the same...and, if you need a creative idea, let me know!
Several years ago, I went through an exercise in values. I was instructed to list 10 of the things I felt were valuable. I found a whole list of values at www.creative-personal-development.com/list-of-values.html. I was then asked to put them in order. Then I had to narrow it down to 3. What I found myself doing is being very general in what I chose so that many of the values would fall under one bigger title. In the end, I ended up with God, Family, and Creativity. It was interesting because after this, I asked my husband and 2 boys to do the same. We each came up with the same things though with very different words...instead of God my boys would say "nature". We all said family. And though none of them used the word creativity, they each described something they liked to do...go hunting, play baseball, be with friends. Even looking back on it now 2 years later, I don't see what has changed with our values. We have them posted on our refrigerator.
God and family are constants. I like to define God as I in you and You in me and He in We. So for me, that is everything given to us by Him....nature, food, people. Family is my home family, extended, work, friend, and even stranger family. The third one for each of us seems to identify what makes us unique. For me, knowing my core values and reflecting on them daily allows me to be focused. I can easily say no to one thing and yes to the next if it fits with those values. It has given me a determination and resolve to move forward with all things creative. I feel such a positive energy when my creative ways are tapped.
I feel this. A day does not seem to be a full day unless I have given to another. Now with carrying out my purpose, leaving my legacy, sticking to my values (which all in a sense means the same thing), I know when I give, I do so creatively. I have felt the most enthusiastic with fundraising or speaking. One of the biggest successes I have ever been a part of was a fantastic fundraiser a few friends of mine had over the last several years that you can check out at www.dnrshoes.blogspot.com.
So what is my purpose of writing this blog and potentially growing "Creatively Give" in creative ways? To be honest, I am not sure myself. I think at this point I am just happy writing about how I have created and discovered my legacy and hope to help you do the same...and, if you need a creative idea, let me know!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
A Legacy
So here it is. 354 days later. I recall the morning of as if it were yesterday. Awakening in my son's bed where I had fallen asleep from exhaustion. The vision was so clear to me. Russ, my father, coming to me in my sleep, pressing his lips to my cheek, whispering "I love you" and then disappearing into the air. When I reflect on that moment, I feel my face press in prickled by the softness of his beard. How could it be that he was there, in my home? His body was nearing death in his own bed miles away. My sister informed me his breathes were so agonal at that point when I recall him coming to me. Within the hour, he was dead.
Russel Luepnitz Sr. died on April 20th, 2009 after a diagnosis of lung cancer shocked us all on January 14th of that same year. Yes, he had been battling a cough. Even some mental changes but as he said often, "I feel great, like I have for years". Once his brain radiation was initiated, his state of "health" quickly declined. He went from walking in the living room to 4 days later dying at home peacefully while in hospice care.
Those last few months of his life were so blessed. It was a time that I tried to be as mindful of each connection that we made. As had been the case throughout our entire relationship, it was labile. I met Russ in 1979 and he soon became my Dad after that. Our connection deepened into my teenage years but one can imagine how angry a teenage girl can be to a step dad. He had rules. I didn't like them. I discovered, though not until after children, that Russ really meant well. He provided me indirectly with the many positives about my life- where I lived, the school and church I went to, and the home stability support I needed. I reflected on that so often during those last few months. One fact I did also discover in those last few months was how much he loved his family. He connected with all family members around the states...regularly. He called his son daily. He kept his siblings up to date through calls, emails, and letters. He knew his family tree.
Soon after Russ' death, my family planted a tree in our back yard that has become a daily reminder of the legacy Russ has left for me. Before he was gone, he was insistant about leaving his belongings to his children and would ask us often what we would want. Growing up, we had a huge tree in our back yard. He had planted that tree with his son before I had even lived there. This tree was now monstrous. During the last few years, he had organized a very original scheme of bird feeders to attract those flying angels my mother loved to watch. I gratefully received those bird feeders upon his death and proudly display them on his tree in my own back yard.
Russ left a legacy. One I had only fully realized during those last few months of his life. Family roots, branch out to others, feed the world, enjoy nature.
Post death is hard. I have seen myself evolve this year, and to be honest, didn't always like what was happening. There were times when anger was taken out on purely innocent people. The guilt covered my body with a 200 pound blanket that I carried around because I didn't know how to take it off every morning upon the new start of a day. And the constant utterances of "why", "if only", "maybe", and "I'm sorry" clouded my head. It was odd how he seemed so much more present in my life than when he were alive ( by no fault of him). Sometimes I was happy he was seeing the moment and sometimes I wondered what he would be thinking. At times the tears would flood down and then the days I wondered were the sadness was. It was as if every single person I talked to had cancer, potentially had cancer, or also suddenly died of cancer. I attended more funerals this year than I have in my life (and I kid you not). I feared everything.
However, throughout that time, I grew. While there are so many of the experiences I have gone through this past year that I can say have helped me, the one I am excited about most is that Russ did leave a legacy. And his legacy has encouraged me to think about my own. I had developed a motto years ago which is "I will do the best I can with what I have been given and help others do the same". I have connected so closely to that motto because of what I do and see daily as a Health care Provider. I wanted my legacy to reflect that motto but also what I love about life. I am a part of you, God, the earth with a purpose and I wish to be a reflection of that.
For the last few years, I have realized a certain feeling I get, an energy, when I give myself creatively. Yes, I love to think logically as well but when I can use my creative juices, get into my right brain, I am my happiest. I think others around me feel that energy and are happy too.
The greatest thing about this realization is that it helps me focus. I know now my motto, my purpose, my direction, and my legacy. I now say "yes" to certain things and "no" to others. In the past few years, I have surrounded myself with people who hold the same values. I have been able to give to my family, friends, patients, and strangers using this process. I have been really excited about events like the "Not so perfect Pageant party" and "Shoe Hunt" fundraisers. This year, I easily excepted the challenge of participating in the first ever "Our Stars of Washington County" dance competition. And I believe part of my future focus will be our life as it relates to food...as long as it has a creative approach!
This Saturday at the Washington County Pavilion, I will be speaking, another thing I love to do. After the title of my name, in honor of my dad, I will now become known as Paula Carlton of Creative Giving.
I wish to write on this blog to encourage others to find your legacy. Yes, some of it may also be just plain journaling. Though my human being self says " keep it to yourself" my human doing self says if I learn from others, others may learn from you. I have so much to say on this topic. I hope to hear from you too!
Russel Luepnitz Sr. died on April 20th, 2009 after a diagnosis of lung cancer shocked us all on January 14th of that same year. Yes, he had been battling a cough. Even some mental changes but as he said often, "I feel great, like I have for years". Once his brain radiation was initiated, his state of "health" quickly declined. He went from walking in the living room to 4 days later dying at home peacefully while in hospice care.
Those last few months of his life were so blessed. It was a time that I tried to be as mindful of each connection that we made. As had been the case throughout our entire relationship, it was labile. I met Russ in 1979 and he soon became my Dad after that. Our connection deepened into my teenage years but one can imagine how angry a teenage girl can be to a step dad. He had rules. I didn't like them. I discovered, though not until after children, that Russ really meant well. He provided me indirectly with the many positives about my life- where I lived, the school and church I went to, and the home stability support I needed. I reflected on that so often during those last few months. One fact I did also discover in those last few months was how much he loved his family. He connected with all family members around the states...regularly. He called his son daily. He kept his siblings up to date through calls, emails, and letters. He knew his family tree.
Soon after Russ' death, my family planted a tree in our back yard that has become a daily reminder of the legacy Russ has left for me. Before he was gone, he was insistant about leaving his belongings to his children and would ask us often what we would want. Growing up, we had a huge tree in our back yard. He had planted that tree with his son before I had even lived there. This tree was now monstrous. During the last few years, he had organized a very original scheme of bird feeders to attract those flying angels my mother loved to watch. I gratefully received those bird feeders upon his death and proudly display them on his tree in my own back yard.
Russ left a legacy. One I had only fully realized during those last few months of his life. Family roots, branch out to others, feed the world, enjoy nature.
Post death is hard. I have seen myself evolve this year, and to be honest, didn't always like what was happening. There were times when anger was taken out on purely innocent people. The guilt covered my body with a 200 pound blanket that I carried around because I didn't know how to take it off every morning upon the new start of a day. And the constant utterances of "why", "if only", "maybe", and "I'm sorry" clouded my head. It was odd how he seemed so much more present in my life than when he were alive ( by no fault of him). Sometimes I was happy he was seeing the moment and sometimes I wondered what he would be thinking. At times the tears would flood down and then the days I wondered were the sadness was. It was as if every single person I talked to had cancer, potentially had cancer, or also suddenly died of cancer. I attended more funerals this year than I have in my life (and I kid you not). I feared everything.
However, throughout that time, I grew. While there are so many of the experiences I have gone through this past year that I can say have helped me, the one I am excited about most is that Russ did leave a legacy. And his legacy has encouraged me to think about my own. I had developed a motto years ago which is "I will do the best I can with what I have been given and help others do the same". I have connected so closely to that motto because of what I do and see daily as a Health care Provider. I wanted my legacy to reflect that motto but also what I love about life. I am a part of you, God, the earth with a purpose and I wish to be a reflection of that.
For the last few years, I have realized a certain feeling I get, an energy, when I give myself creatively. Yes, I love to think logically as well but when I can use my creative juices, get into my right brain, I am my happiest. I think others around me feel that energy and are happy too.
The greatest thing about this realization is that it helps me focus. I know now my motto, my purpose, my direction, and my legacy. I now say "yes" to certain things and "no" to others. In the past few years, I have surrounded myself with people who hold the same values. I have been able to give to my family, friends, patients, and strangers using this process. I have been really excited about events like the "Not so perfect Pageant party" and "Shoe Hunt" fundraisers. This year, I easily excepted the challenge of participating in the first ever "Our Stars of Washington County" dance competition. And I believe part of my future focus will be our life as it relates to food...as long as it has a creative approach!
This Saturday at the Washington County Pavilion, I will be speaking, another thing I love to do. After the title of my name, in honor of my dad, I will now become known as Paula Carlton of Creative Giving.
I wish to write on this blog to encourage others to find your legacy. Yes, some of it may also be just plain journaling. Though my human being self says " keep it to yourself" my human doing self says if I learn from others, others may learn from you. I have so much to say on this topic. I hope to hear from you too!
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