Finding Inner Peace...without it, I can't be creative.

A few years ago I was challenged by a book I read. My interpreted idea that surfaced was that much of my daily chatter was about my selfish ego. Much of what I brought into conversation was based on my desire to self express my own story. From that it was suggested that if I practiced the wisdom of silence more often, I would be at peace.

While I feel silence has it's place, I also found myself more stressed. Rather than embrace the idea that communication is a form of connection, I began to hold words in which resulted in an uncomfortable energy, disengagement, and sometimes even confusion. My body experiences lots of different types of energy throughout the day ( my favorite being goosebumps because it has deep meaning associated with it) but I do not like chest tightness. It is a sure sign of robbing my mind and heart of my ability to utilize one of my more favorite values...creativity.

So a few years ago I learned something called "nonviolent communication". Marshall Rosenberg is the creator of this work which has turned into a movement worldwide. He tells his story of growing up in violent Detroit during the rioting times. He realized, himself included, that people had different ways of reacting to the same situation and wondered why even in such violent times, some could react with peace. Through much study and dedication, he developed a basic model that would teach others compassionate interaction. All at once, it allows the expressiveness of oneself honestly while speaking and the ability to receive others with empathy while listening. To speak honestly while listening empathetically.

As a nurse, I know this. Nurses have been taught this way of communicating forever. And if I may say, it is pretty easy to be empathetic when someone is in front of you is in pain or fighting for his/her life. The challenges are twofold....who else you may be speaking to... Your spouse, your friend, your child, the lady in line who has 20 items in the 10 item lane...and the dialog that takes place. For when it is the nurse to patient, your conversation is always, in some way, about the patient.

Wednesday night I had the pleasure of meeting Peggy Kober. The following is from her brief bio: "an experienced facilitator of processes that help participants connect at the level of the sacred, for increased joy and deeper heartfelt connection"...ahhhh. You can find out more about her at The Gathering Place: Common Ground to Grow on (www.tgpcommonground.org). She led our discussion on an introduction to nonviolent communication (NVC) at the Shalom House (www.aquietplacetobe.com). Beginning September, she will be facilitating a learning circle group that gathers once monthly for 6 sessions (all are welcome but must sign up).

Today I have felt closer to my authentic self as a result of our togetherness. Though I would love to go into every detail of our meeting, I wanted to hit at least the highlights that resonated with me at this moment:

1. Our thoughts are not who we are. I have known this, spoke this, and taught this for as long as I have been introduced to the idea of neuroplasticity. You know, those thoughts that continue to play over and over many decades later though were formed in our earlier childhood days. What I've often done in the past is to push that thought away, identify it, and try to argue with it (if it's a bad thought). She reminded me that while, yes, we should recognize it, learn to respect it as part of our human nature. There are times that thought may keep us on track, motivate us, or even help me get creative!. Embrace it then work with it.

2. It is said to observe without judgement is the highest function of being. This is our spirit, our authentic and honest self. I loved the simple exercise of recalling what I did that morning when I woke from the moment of rising to leaving out the door. I explained the specific steps with simple observation...then my thoughts mixed in once that was complete. Try it yourself. Write it in columns on a piece of paper- one for the observation and the next for the thoughts you had that morning...yes, all of the thoughts for just one morning...if you are anything like the female brain you may need more than 1 page.

3. Perception. Her exercise on perception really helped me recognize it was empathy I felt strongly about, whether it be self-empathy or empathy for others. To work through an observational statement, connect with my feelings, identify my needs, and move forward with assuming the other person's motivation behind that communication was powerful. I felt those goosebumps!

I felt safety in that sacred place. I was empowered, enlightened, and rejuvenated. I loved the metaphor of the giraffe (the land animal with the biggest heart) being my true self and the jackal (low to the ground, full of chatter) being my human self..both areas I wish to appreciate. When the heart and the mind are united, serenity can speak and creativity rejoice.

NVC is a way to communicate.
I feel inspired and nurtured after learning more about it.
It fills my need to be creative.
Would you be willing to learn it too?

If you wish to have more information on NVC, please visit www.cnvc.org

Peace to us,
Paula