Another way of saying "leaving a legacy" would be "finding your purpose". If we are to have faith in God, we are to believe that He took delicate time in putting together the perfect "me". The person who is brought to life by God has already had a determined purpose to his/her life. We are put to the task to find out just what that purpose is to be. Some of us die before it is known. And if we don't pay close attention, we make walk right by it. I know I have been told that if I see a person more than 3 times in a short period of time, it is because God has put that person in front of me to connect with...in other words, I better say something to them to find out what.
Several years ago, I went through an exercise in values. I was instructed to list 10 of the things I felt were valuable. I found a whole list of values at www.creative-personal-development.com/list-of-values.html. I was then asked to put them in order. Then I had to narrow it down to 3. What I found myself doing is being very general in what I chose so that many of the values would fall under one bigger title. In the end, I ended up with God, Family, and Creativity. It was interesting because after this, I asked my husband and 2 boys to do the same. We each came up with the same things though with very different words...instead of God my boys would say "nature". We all said family. And though none of them used the word creativity, they each described something they liked to do...go hunting, play baseball, be with friends. Even looking back on it now 2 years later, I don't see what has changed with our values. We have them posted on our refrigerator.
God and family are constants. I like to define God as I in you and You in me and He in We. So for me, that is everything given to us by Him....nature, food, people. Family is my home family, extended, work, friend, and even stranger family. The third one for each of us seems to identify what makes us unique. For me, knowing my core values and reflecting on them daily allows me to be focused. I can easily say no to one thing and yes to the next if it fits with those values. It has given me a determination and resolve to move forward with all things creative. I feel such a positive energy when my creative ways are tapped.
I feel this. A day does not seem to be a full day unless I have given to another. Now with carrying out my purpose, leaving my legacy, sticking to my values (which all in a sense means the same thing), I know when I give, I do so creatively. I have felt the most enthusiastic with fundraising or speaking. One of the biggest successes I have ever been a part of was a fantastic fundraiser a few friends of mine had over the last several years that you can check out at www.dnrshoes.blogspot.com.
So what is my purpose of writing this blog and potentially growing "Creatively Give" in creative ways? To be honest, I am not sure myself. I think at this point I am just happy writing about how I have created and discovered my legacy and hope to help you do the same...and, if you need a creative idea, let me know!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
A Legacy
So here it is. 354 days later. I recall the morning of as if it were yesterday. Awakening in my son's bed where I had fallen asleep from exhaustion. The vision was so clear to me. Russ, my father, coming to me in my sleep, pressing his lips to my cheek, whispering "I love you" and then disappearing into the air. When I reflect on that moment, I feel my face press in prickled by the softness of his beard. How could it be that he was there, in my home? His body was nearing death in his own bed miles away. My sister informed me his breathes were so agonal at that point when I recall him coming to me. Within the hour, he was dead.
Russel Luepnitz Sr. died on April 20th, 2009 after a diagnosis of lung cancer shocked us all on January 14th of that same year. Yes, he had been battling a cough. Even some mental changes but as he said often, "I feel great, like I have for years". Once his brain radiation was initiated, his state of "health" quickly declined. He went from walking in the living room to 4 days later dying at home peacefully while in hospice care.
Those last few months of his life were so blessed. It was a time that I tried to be as mindful of each connection that we made. As had been the case throughout our entire relationship, it was labile. I met Russ in 1979 and he soon became my Dad after that. Our connection deepened into my teenage years but one can imagine how angry a teenage girl can be to a step dad. He had rules. I didn't like them. I discovered, though not until after children, that Russ really meant well. He provided me indirectly with the many positives about my life- where I lived, the school and church I went to, and the home stability support I needed. I reflected on that so often during those last few months. One fact I did also discover in those last few months was how much he loved his family. He connected with all family members around the states...regularly. He called his son daily. He kept his siblings up to date through calls, emails, and letters. He knew his family tree.
Soon after Russ' death, my family planted a tree in our back yard that has become a daily reminder of the legacy Russ has left for me. Before he was gone, he was insistant about leaving his belongings to his children and would ask us often what we would want. Growing up, we had a huge tree in our back yard. He had planted that tree with his son before I had even lived there. This tree was now monstrous. During the last few years, he had organized a very original scheme of bird feeders to attract those flying angels my mother loved to watch. I gratefully received those bird feeders upon his death and proudly display them on his tree in my own back yard.
Russ left a legacy. One I had only fully realized during those last few months of his life. Family roots, branch out to others, feed the world, enjoy nature.
Post death is hard. I have seen myself evolve this year, and to be honest, didn't always like what was happening. There were times when anger was taken out on purely innocent people. The guilt covered my body with a 200 pound blanket that I carried around because I didn't know how to take it off every morning upon the new start of a day. And the constant utterances of "why", "if only", "maybe", and "I'm sorry" clouded my head. It was odd how he seemed so much more present in my life than when he were alive ( by no fault of him). Sometimes I was happy he was seeing the moment and sometimes I wondered what he would be thinking. At times the tears would flood down and then the days I wondered were the sadness was. It was as if every single person I talked to had cancer, potentially had cancer, or also suddenly died of cancer. I attended more funerals this year than I have in my life (and I kid you not). I feared everything.
However, throughout that time, I grew. While there are so many of the experiences I have gone through this past year that I can say have helped me, the one I am excited about most is that Russ did leave a legacy. And his legacy has encouraged me to think about my own. I had developed a motto years ago which is "I will do the best I can with what I have been given and help others do the same". I have connected so closely to that motto because of what I do and see daily as a Health care Provider. I wanted my legacy to reflect that motto but also what I love about life. I am a part of you, God, the earth with a purpose and I wish to be a reflection of that.
For the last few years, I have realized a certain feeling I get, an energy, when I give myself creatively. Yes, I love to think logically as well but when I can use my creative juices, get into my right brain, I am my happiest. I think others around me feel that energy and are happy too.
The greatest thing about this realization is that it helps me focus. I know now my motto, my purpose, my direction, and my legacy. I now say "yes" to certain things and "no" to others. In the past few years, I have surrounded myself with people who hold the same values. I have been able to give to my family, friends, patients, and strangers using this process. I have been really excited about events like the "Not so perfect Pageant party" and "Shoe Hunt" fundraisers. This year, I easily excepted the challenge of participating in the first ever "Our Stars of Washington County" dance competition. And I believe part of my future focus will be our life as it relates to food...as long as it has a creative approach!
This Saturday at the Washington County Pavilion, I will be speaking, another thing I love to do. After the title of my name, in honor of my dad, I will now become known as Paula Carlton of Creative Giving.
I wish to write on this blog to encourage others to find your legacy. Yes, some of it may also be just plain journaling. Though my human being self says " keep it to yourself" my human doing self says if I learn from others, others may learn from you. I have so much to say on this topic. I hope to hear from you too!
Russel Luepnitz Sr. died on April 20th, 2009 after a diagnosis of lung cancer shocked us all on January 14th of that same year. Yes, he had been battling a cough. Even some mental changes but as he said often, "I feel great, like I have for years". Once his brain radiation was initiated, his state of "health" quickly declined. He went from walking in the living room to 4 days later dying at home peacefully while in hospice care.
Those last few months of his life were so blessed. It was a time that I tried to be as mindful of each connection that we made. As had been the case throughout our entire relationship, it was labile. I met Russ in 1979 and he soon became my Dad after that. Our connection deepened into my teenage years but one can imagine how angry a teenage girl can be to a step dad. He had rules. I didn't like them. I discovered, though not until after children, that Russ really meant well. He provided me indirectly with the many positives about my life- where I lived, the school and church I went to, and the home stability support I needed. I reflected on that so often during those last few months. One fact I did also discover in those last few months was how much he loved his family. He connected with all family members around the states...regularly. He called his son daily. He kept his siblings up to date through calls, emails, and letters. He knew his family tree.
Soon after Russ' death, my family planted a tree in our back yard that has become a daily reminder of the legacy Russ has left for me. Before he was gone, he was insistant about leaving his belongings to his children and would ask us often what we would want. Growing up, we had a huge tree in our back yard. He had planted that tree with his son before I had even lived there. This tree was now monstrous. During the last few years, he had organized a very original scheme of bird feeders to attract those flying angels my mother loved to watch. I gratefully received those bird feeders upon his death and proudly display them on his tree in my own back yard.
Russ left a legacy. One I had only fully realized during those last few months of his life. Family roots, branch out to others, feed the world, enjoy nature.
Post death is hard. I have seen myself evolve this year, and to be honest, didn't always like what was happening. There were times when anger was taken out on purely innocent people. The guilt covered my body with a 200 pound blanket that I carried around because I didn't know how to take it off every morning upon the new start of a day. And the constant utterances of "why", "if only", "maybe", and "I'm sorry" clouded my head. It was odd how he seemed so much more present in my life than when he were alive ( by no fault of him). Sometimes I was happy he was seeing the moment and sometimes I wondered what he would be thinking. At times the tears would flood down and then the days I wondered were the sadness was. It was as if every single person I talked to had cancer, potentially had cancer, or also suddenly died of cancer. I attended more funerals this year than I have in my life (and I kid you not). I feared everything.
However, throughout that time, I grew. While there are so many of the experiences I have gone through this past year that I can say have helped me, the one I am excited about most is that Russ did leave a legacy. And his legacy has encouraged me to think about my own. I had developed a motto years ago which is "I will do the best I can with what I have been given and help others do the same". I have connected so closely to that motto because of what I do and see daily as a Health care Provider. I wanted my legacy to reflect that motto but also what I love about life. I am a part of you, God, the earth with a purpose and I wish to be a reflection of that.
For the last few years, I have realized a certain feeling I get, an energy, when I give myself creatively. Yes, I love to think logically as well but when I can use my creative juices, get into my right brain, I am my happiest. I think others around me feel that energy and are happy too.
The greatest thing about this realization is that it helps me focus. I know now my motto, my purpose, my direction, and my legacy. I now say "yes" to certain things and "no" to others. In the past few years, I have surrounded myself with people who hold the same values. I have been able to give to my family, friends, patients, and strangers using this process. I have been really excited about events like the "Not so perfect Pageant party" and "Shoe Hunt" fundraisers. This year, I easily excepted the challenge of participating in the first ever "Our Stars of Washington County" dance competition. And I believe part of my future focus will be our life as it relates to food...as long as it has a creative approach!
This Saturday at the Washington County Pavilion, I will be speaking, another thing I love to do. After the title of my name, in honor of my dad, I will now become known as Paula Carlton of Creative Giving.
I wish to write on this blog to encourage others to find your legacy. Yes, some of it may also be just plain journaling. Though my human being self says " keep it to yourself" my human doing self says if I learn from others, others may learn from you. I have so much to say on this topic. I hope to hear from you too!
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